I read back at what I've written and I think about all the words that I hid in. There were little parts of me inside the words. I imagined it like a tiny little me on my screen peeking around certain phrases I used over and over again. I think I’ve lost my ability to say things right. I haven’t had someone see me in a long time. I haven’t had the opportunity to speak as myself. I miss myself so badly. I don’t understand where she went. Maybe I left her behind. Maybe that's part of being a woman. I hate that word. A woman. So much power in it but also somehow not enough power in it. It’s not who I am. I’m no woman. I’m Josephine. I don’t really know how describe her. I won’t try to. But she’s something. I’m betraying her. And I feel so fucking bad about it. I’m so fucking sorry. I know she’s amazing. I know she’s me, but I’m not good at representing her. I don’t know how to be her body and her mind. Because she’s the most incredible thing in the world. And it’s so hard to be her. I love her so much though. I know she loves me. I know she loves life. She loves everything. She is love. She’s power. She’s magic. When she takes over me, she shows people love. She opens their eyes. She opens my eyes. She loves me. She does magic. And yet here I am again with words not quite good enough to show her. She doesn’t mind though. She says its okay. She loves me and she’s proud of my efforts. I love her. When people ask if I love myself the answer feels so obvious. Of course. I love Josephine. I am in awe of Josephine. I know that Josephine is me. I know that I am fucking magical. I suppose I hurt myself only because of life, not because of me. Life and me are two different things. I know inside of me that there is the thing that will change the world forever. I’ve known it all my life. It’s why I have to stick around. All this and what now. I guess I don’t know. As I’ve mentioned. I’m struggling to be Josephine. I’m not phrasing anything quite right. I’ll try again later.